Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
