No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
