Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
