I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
