What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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