just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she peed on how many people?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
