she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
