ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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