guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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