is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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