i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
being pregnant is like rehab
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
