Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
