This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize