No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
