Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
