he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
