oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
