hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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