Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
