This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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