That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
