omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
