Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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