Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
