Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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