His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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