woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
