and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
