After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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