How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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