ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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