I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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