maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
