Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So many bounce houses so little time
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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