his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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