i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't deserve a penis
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize