I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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