Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
