I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
His hands were made for my vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
