I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
