Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize