I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
