i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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