Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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