i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
