yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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