Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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