Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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