i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
