I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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