I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
