I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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