You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
