Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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