Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You pole danced in your parka.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
