so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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