So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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