Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
