I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
