Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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