i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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