i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
