It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
