when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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