Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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