I wannas sexs uuuuu
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
