i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
