Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Are my feet made of real feet?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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