I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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