Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
