the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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