Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
