I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She bit a glass in half.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
