When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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