no, he came in my armpit
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
