I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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