I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
