After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
