Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize