Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
