You just made me feel so damn special
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
