i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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