she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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