I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
