just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
