No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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