bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
