he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
