Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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