just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize