I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
