I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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