Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
