How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
