is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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