she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
