mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
