don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
