i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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